Worst Year ever

[bnwitt]

Well some of you may remember I lost my dog of 11 years in January and last Sunday my mother suddenly passed away at the age of 76.  These two events (along with the horrible financial situation we all find ourselves in right now) have convinced me that this is the worst of my 54 years on this planet.   I just adored my mom.  She was a saint and a good christian woman.  It's only her never say die Texas attitude that keeps me going this weekend.  I wish you all the best and good health.
Barry

[tubesornothing]

that really sucks man - keep well.

[rafe]

Hey Barry,When I feel down and it starts to really get to me, I have to actually force myself to write a list of the good things in my life and at this stage of my life they are numerous. It usually doesn't take too long for me shake it. If I don't I'll dwell in the gloom that's part of my nature ....one of my favorite song lines "When you're going through Hell,keep on going ! I add RUN! My condolences for your loss.

[Dynaflow]

 Sorry to hear it Barry, condolences for you and your family. I know it doesn't get easier. Halloween has always been terrible for me, today 40 years ago my Dad died when I was 12, Halloween marks the night he got sick and the next day he was gone. After all these years its still pretty tough, but just know they loved you and try to find comfort in that.

Kindest Regards,

Dyna

[Frankenamp]

I can relate a bit. Wife lost her father a few years ago on Halloween- so they have been a bit rough for a while. It's better now. Her mother is about to remarry early next year. Earlier I scattered Mom & Dad's ashes in the headwaters of the Yuba river (and speculated the possibility that a few of their molecules would make it down the irrigation ditch and back up into the basement that was more ofter flooded than not). I heard the old saw "tough times never last, but tough people do..." but I prefer "when you're goin' through hell- don't slow down!" It sometimes dont feel like it, but things do get better.

[tubeswell]

Sorry to hear that Barry. Losing the folks you love is always sad. My condolences to you and your family.

BTW I noticed you haven't been posting much at the Music Electronics Forum lately. I always find your contributions useful and trust that you feel welcome over there too.

[GroundhogKen]

My condolences, Barry. 

I don't mean to put words in her mouth, but your Mom sounds like the kind of person that wouldn't stand for you being depressed for very long.  Before long I bet she'd be thinking it's time to bootstrap and surge ahead.

2010 is only weeks away.

Best wishes,
Ken

[zendragon63]

My condolences as well. Losing mom is damn tough and I feel for you. Gave me a reassessment and reality check that I never thought I needed and a humility I lacked for a long time. Very best wishes to you and your family in the coming days. Regards

dennis

[Fresh_Start]

Barry -

I'm sorry that I didn't see this thread earlier.  Having almost lost my 81-year old mother in June, I'm really afraid of being where you are now.  My heart goes out to you and your family. 

Hang in there!

Chip

[thermion]

I saw this thread and had to let loose. On the positive, my wife and I had our first daughter in January. She's a babbling, crawling, perfect little miracle. Then in March my grandpa (family patriarch) passed, nobody told us til May. When I found out I had to be the one to tell my mom her daddy was gone. Then in october my father passed away VERY unexpectedly. Zero suffering on his part but we all wish we could have had that "last chance" with him. So my mom lost her dad and husband of 38 years within 6 months. She moved in with me for awhile and having Olivia around has really helped her emotional state. They told us in birthing class that the same emotional power tied to delivering a new life is tied to losing one. I can attest; all of a sudden I feel like ol' Pops Plummer, last man standing, at 29. Geez.
Anyway mom's selling the house and moving a lot closer to me, probably into my neighborhood. She's a delight and it'll nice having her around more often with Olivia.
Take the lumps, try to get your legs back under you and work to align yourself with a new normal. My deepest condolances, Barry.

[madison]

Time will heal.
Chin up.
Take care.

[bnwitt]

Guys,
thanks for the support.  My chin is up and I am still remembering my wonderful mother.  The hard part is believing she is gone.  I held her hand one last time at the funeral but it is still all so surreal.  I talked to her twice a week for years up to her passing and always told her "I love you mom."  I'm just sorry I never said "you're the finest human being I've ever met and you are responsible for who I am mom."  We all seek some kind of affirmation that the lives we lead (mistakes an all) have somehow helped others.  If your mom is still alive, call her now and tell her hom much she has meant to your part of the world.  Before it's too late.  Never mind the spankings or scoldings.  Mom just did her best to raise you right.  And you know, I deserved every single spanking I ever got, and then some.

[Shrapnel]

What's sadder than any of this, and thankfully not the case for you and your mom, bnwitt, is when parents and their children grow apart, or have something happen in their lives that causes a separation. At least you won't be kicking yourself for NOT telling her how much you loved her, and having a gap between she and you. You're not alone in surviving a parent, and not alone in telling that parent of your love. We still live to keep their legacy alive and proud.

[billcreller]

My condolences also Barry. I've been where you are. Losing parents is always tough. And of course losing a family dog is almost like losing a kid.

Always your friend...
  BILL

[mackie2]

Barry,

When you are all the way down, The one good option you have is UP--THE MAN UP STAIRS AND BETTER CONDITIONS IN LIFE AFTER HEALING.

At 71, there are only me an my younger sister left--not counting off-spring.

Get a good project--put head  down --full steam ahead.

Mackie2

[bnwitt]

For years I have digested the data regarding elevated suicide rates at Christmas time and thought to myself, "Only a wimp would commit suicide" and "How could anyone not appreciate the joy of Christmas?"  Now, after having such a year of loss I am gaining new perspective.  Everything I do and every holiday experience I have just brings home the fact that my mother is gone forever and she cannot enjoy this holiday season or share her love with us.  I watch television to divert my focus and I see funerals and other losses in the themes of the shows though I'm sure these concepts are not the main focus of the majority of the television audience.  

I am finally realizing that not everyone is as stony as I am.  I give thanks for my stalwart demeanor and know if I didn't have it I would be a statistic but, I am now embarrassed I didn't allow understanding for those with less strength.  It makes me want to seek out those who live on shaky emotional foundations and hold them until this season has passed.  I am ashamed of my critical opinions of past regarding those who opt out of life.  I hope I get a chance this holiday season to help someone who needs it.

Today, a gift arrived for my children that my mother purchased prior to her death.  She did this with a negative balance in her checkbook prior to the arrival of her retirement check.  She had nothing on a daily basis (although she wouldn't tell us that), but couldn't stop giving.  This loss is great.  I have no idea how long this emotional devastion will last, but somehow I think I may carry it to my grave.

Gentlemen, keep your eyes pealed for folks who aren't happy around you during this season and reach out to them if you can.

[bnwitt]

Boy losing one's mother is hard.  I had no idea.  I miss talking to her, tapping into her wisdom.  I thought the Beatles were profund when they penned " in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make"  but I am now realizing how wise my mother was.  Not just wise but sweet.  I was so lucky for so many years.  Man there can be no greater bond than the one between a mother and child.  I will no longer complain about Father's day being a Hallmark holiday.  I had two fathers and if you add them together and multiply times ten they fall short of mom. I only hope that millions of other human beings have such love.

[jerryjg]

wow, I can't imagine losing my Mom. I just can't. Hang in their Broseph.

[jjasilli]

My mother died when she was 43 and I was 19, away at college.  So as an adult myself, I never got to know her.